The Death of a Turkey

Several months ago I was asked, “Would you like to buy a turkey chick and have me raise it on my farm?” This was from a dear friend who was embarking on an organic farm business in Camas, Washington. She named her little patch of wonder Shangri-La Farms. I’ve been on her egg delivery route for months. There’s nothing like a farm fresh egg.

So it seemed like a great idea to raise this turkey, and as Liz says “Know Where Your Food Comes From.” I’m in.

Tomorrow he dies.

I got this email from my farmer friend:

I am happy to announce that you will have the freshest Turkey possible for your Thanksgiving table!

On Wednesday, November 24th, (the day before Thanksgiving) I am driving my live turkeys to Boring, Oregon at 8am where they will be butchered and dressed out by a professional!  After a few hours, they will be ready and I will bring them back to Camas.  I want to deliver the turkeys straight to your home as soon as I return to Camas, probably around 11am.  It will take me about an hour or more to make all the rounds.

I don’t know why this should feel weird. I guess it’s like ordering fish and having it arrive whole – eyes staring up at you. Or getting a little piece of aorta in your burger. Too real.

Of course Mark has jokingly suggested we “pardon” our turkey. But then I’ll have to drive to Whole Foods and pay too much for a fresh free ranger – again. I’m going to let him die.

I heard that Obama isn’t sending the pardoned turkey to Disneyland (like Bush did) instead he’s going back to our roots and letting this turkey live out its days in Mount Vernon at George Washington’s home. He doesn’t want that turkey to go through TSA – can you imagine that deep cavity search?

Gobble Gobble.

Happy Thanksgiving y’all.

UPDATE November 24, 2010, 3:50pm: I just received an email from Farmer Liz. It simply said this: “The butcher guy was frozen this morning so everything is behind schedule. The turkey should be done by 5:00.”

I’m frightened…..

CLARIFICATION November 24, 2010 4:00pm: (from a friend who also sentenced a turkey to death today) “The guy who helped the birds commit suicide had frozen pipes this morning and that set everything back….”

Turkey Kevorkian……